1st April 2016

Fools day is what they call. A To Do must be like a reminder in mind which has keep reminding you of your priority. The target. It has to be ingrained into the subconscious mind.

Yesterday i read something interesting,rather something i already know.How to use more of your brain.The trick is to

-Not follow the existing patterns habits because it is easier for the brain to work.You can lead a wholesome and better life . Assuming good mind means good life.

-using left hand right hemisphere , right hand left hemisphere.cross legs and hands that work both the hemisphere.There will be better harmony if we were to balance the usage of the brain, which is why sometimes we cross our legs while relaxing without noticing that it is body natural state.

Read about Micheal,Adam Scott. There is a sense of unwell inside. It is a product of multiple factors.Fake it until you make it. Conventional wisdom wont get you there.

It is very necessary to work out a system that keeps your personal energy high.I tend to get bored by my job and hence i have to dig out too much will power to keep going.

Make every activity fun.

Time to revise.

went to Sony showroom. gave my player , looking for a replacement in may be 4 days. Got a brilliant idea about cars. I have written down..My recollection of events is not so sequential.checked out Zara , has good collection for Men,may be will go there next time.was reading about flow the optimal experience, it was mainly getting back to where i had left.

logged into office. it was fine. i was able to check my email pretty fast.few the things that i do very frequently at my job, check emails,chats,jobs very routine boring and uninspiring stuff. surprisingly the stuff is so boring it is hard to note each and everything.Since i am responsible professional, i have to.My debugging skills have not become better,but i am trying new things which is a positive sign.

For some reason i was not able to see the FD details, which i why i did not submit that yet.Read Jordan over lunch.How competitive he was.I kind of had the same memories as a child.My father used to taunt me,make fun of me,make me feel worthless,undermine me in-front of others.I got a deep sense of failure and unworthiness by his treatment.Back then i felt that i was not good hence all i did was cry within.Cry that i am no good.I am simply not good.I did not have the fire in me to prove him wrong,rather i accepted that he was right.Things have changed.I have grown older.I like to think i am wiser too.Now i can see from multiple angles.

In my fathers eyes i may still be a failure. A disappointment. Potential guy who did not achieve what he could.All of it may be true.I am accepting that.I agree i could have done lot better at many things in life.I am writing this with a heavy heart, it is not easy to look back at your life and accept that it is a failure.It is very emotional.  I am standing at a point in my life where i want to be better . Past has given me good lesson.My aim is to learn from all those misses and become better from now on. I may never make my dad proud, but i will try.

I just got a realization that , no matter how much brain storm at my job, it simply does not click. there are so many people doing the same shit and they are probably doing better than me. i am grinding this so much, and yet i am not getting it, the work is not so good, not matter how hard i work on this i dont think i will be very good at this. I am simply not getting this.

first of all this stuff bores me. and what interests me is such a black hole, i keep slipping into it over and over again. The time slips by me. and then i notice holy shit.where did all the preparation , plan and focus go.

I did finish the prelims for Unix.I must thank my colleague for that incident.Otherwise i would not have been this alert.all those tasks can be done so much fast.yet in my emotional being i am not doing it.

Adam Scott- Imagination of perception a good one . Saw the video on Larry Ellison


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